05-25-2013, 12:09 AM
It ends with death,
starts with life.
Alexis, why did you hold my
hand at prom?
Why? Did you have to
be drunk?
Why? Did you have to sit next to
Jake and I in art class?
Why? Did i fall in love.
The first question mark after the Why in all those lines emphasize the Why, so it can work like that. And I don't read it as simply, Why did you have to be drunk?
Though you left out the question mark in the last line there. And sometimes you have I and other times i.
And why was I on the side lines,
at your funeral.
You don't really need the comma, but it's not a problem.
Why? Suicide?
Every word my breath
breathes;
is for you babe.
Here the semicolon is more of a problem. Grammar-wise. Though I hear the musical pause that it creates.
Why?
Why, was I in a Christian band,
Here though the comma is really in the way. Maybe your two question marks you used in earlier lines could fix that.
because of that we could not hold hands,
back then.
Even though you saw me,
and wrapped those fingers,
in mine.
Don't need the comma after fingers.
and wrapped those fingers
in mine
work without it.
Why?
Does everyone think
you are my angel.
Do you want a question mark?
I don't fucking know,
what heaven is.
I don't fucking know
what heaven is.
Works without a comma.
But if this is heaven
You could have a comma here, after heaven.
I am an angel.
but,
But, capital after the period.
such
heaven could never
exist.
Babe, sometime's on the Zi.
I could not wait to die. just
at the thought of seeing.
you being there.
The periods are messy here.
Your golden brown hair.
Why?
Did I not grab you that night and say.
Better a comma than a period.
Please Alexis, PLEASE!!
be my girlfriend.
Love,
killed.
you.
the,
end.
The commas aren't needed.
Sincerely yours in life,
Robert Thomas Cave.
PS, i still cry
starts with life.
Alexis, why did you hold my
hand at prom?
Why? Did you have to
be drunk?
Why? Did you have to sit next to
Jake and I in art class?
Why? Did i fall in love.
The first question mark after the Why in all those lines emphasize the Why, so it can work like that. And I don't read it as simply, Why did you have to be drunk?
Though you left out the question mark in the last line there. And sometimes you have I and other times i.
And why was I on the side lines,
at your funeral.
You don't really need the comma, but it's not a problem.
Why? Suicide?
Every word my breath
breathes;
is for you babe.
Here the semicolon is more of a problem. Grammar-wise. Though I hear the musical pause that it creates.
Why?
Why, was I in a Christian band,
Here though the comma is really in the way. Maybe your two question marks you used in earlier lines could fix that.
because of that we could not hold hands,
back then.
Even though you saw me,
and wrapped those fingers,
in mine.
Don't need the comma after fingers.
and wrapped those fingers
in mine
work without it.
Why?
Does everyone think
you are my angel.
Do you want a question mark?
I don't fucking know,
what heaven is.
I don't fucking know
what heaven is.
Works without a comma.
But if this is heaven
You could have a comma here, after heaven.
I am an angel.
but,
But, capital after the period.
such
heaven could never
exist.
Babe, sometime's on the Zi.
I could not wait to die. just
at the thought of seeing.
you being there.
The periods are messy here.
Your golden brown hair.
Why?
Did I not grab you that night and say.
Better a comma than a period.
Please Alexis, PLEASE!!
be my girlfriend.
Love,
killed.
you.
the,
end.
The commas aren't needed.
Sincerely yours in life,
Robert Thomas Cave.
PS, i still cry