05-24-2013, 07:05 AM
Hi Seth,
I still remember how it was when I first started writing, so I know exactly where your coming from. As a first piece this actually a pretty great start (Much better than my first piece). There are some clichés like "your wake up call", and "How long does this call have to be ringing" but that'll go away soon as you get more experienced or simply just look out for them in in your revisions. You do have lots of potential and I'd like to see you progress, and this is just me throwing this out there, but once you get more of a hang on poetry, the retro-futuristic concept would make an interesting poem, if you ever have interest in this again.
Best of luck to you
-James
I still remember how it was when I first started writing, so I know exactly where your coming from. As a first piece this actually a pretty great start (Much better than my first piece). There are some clichés like "your wake up call", and "How long does this call have to be ringing" but that'll go away soon as you get more experienced or simply just look out for them in in your revisions. You do have lots of potential and I'd like to see you progress, and this is just me throwing this out there, but once you get more of a hang on poetry, the retro-futuristic concept would make an interesting poem, if you ever have interest in this again.
Best of luck to you
-James