Rough Morning?

[Leanne]

You've done some really interesting things with cliches and for me that's pretty much the only forgiveable way to use them -- subversion is the key. The rhymes sprinkled throughout give this a good sound, although a little more work with meter will help you out even more. Your punctuation could use some fixing -- for example, the full stops at the end of lines in the first stanza are all wrong except the last one. Good bones though, and it's fleshing out pretty well