last breath after coma.

[tectak]

mild crit but important.
breathe. Begin with a capital letter. They are free.
one last time, begin with a capital letter BUT only because it is a new sentence.
your awake now. you're. Your is possessive. Your poem

"Doctor, whats the time" What's the time. It means "what is". A question...end the line with a question mark

Your fading Alice you're. So it wasn't a typo. You need a punctuation mark after "Alice" A semi colon would make a suitable pause
I won't ever see
you again.

"Time is irreverent Totally the wrong word. You mean "irrelevant". If you do not know what a word means do not use it...or better, look up the right word.
Alice is off,
to the land of
thee undead." the. Not thee.

shh babe, it is ok Full stop. Otherwise you have written " shh babe, it is ok your (you're!) just off..." Makes no sense. Punctuation is not your strength
your just off
to wonderland.
your alright. Capital letter on "you're"

"DOCTOR WE GOT A BREATH" Suggest an exclamation mark after doctor. That is what it is for. Don't overuse exclamation marks, though!!!!!

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first day on the forum. having alot of fun being apart of this community. thanks for the patience.
Hi bunx and welcome. I don't normally visit this forum and may never do so again
Look, you have a poor grasp of language but that is unimportant as you expect to improve; otherwise you would not be on this site. This is a commitment verse. You knew where it was going from the start. This is a luxury. Once you have your poem check it before posting it. In this forum the crits are considerate and helpful, but you are expected to improve by your own efforts. Edit this one before someone nasty sees it then repost it. Bit by bit it will work its way up the ladder. Have a good trip.
Best,
tectak

PS. First breath, surely.