The orchard

[Ryan_w_r]

I agree with the others. When I first started reading this I thought it was going to be a happy clappy write about the beautiful orchard, so the dark turn took me by surprise. I really liked the images you have created and the way the orchard turns from an idyllic place into a sweltering, inescapable hell-hole. The hanging and the crows make the bleakness complete. It made me very curious as to how the person's friends came to leave them, I think the poem would really benefit from a bit of background information as to why all this has happened, what has turned their life so horribly off course. Other than that I agree that the meter could use tightening and some words cut out. Very enjoyable and look forward to reading more from you

Thank you so much for reading and giving me a some pointers! I am new to writing and I've never shared with anyone out of being unsure if I should be proud or embarrassed of my writing... But it is exciting to get this feed back positive or negative. You will for sure be seeing more from me.

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I especially enjoyed the twist in this poem. While it has good potential for a sing-song kind of poem, I agree that some shortening of lines would add to the enjoyment of the read. To me, it read more like a great first draft in need of tweaking.

In L 1 "Everyday", I think you meant to write as "Every day"? That line would naturally end if it stopped at "orchard" and the second part of it became L 3.in general if you kept the syllables of each line between 5 and 10 on average, your poem's readability would improve. While I appreciate and enjoyed this concept and your creativity, I was not so crazy about the over-personification of the apple. Giving the apple thoughts and feelings (and especially suicidal tendencies) was a little top abstract for me. I enjoyed the read though, thanks for sharing and keep writing.

Thank you for reading and providing some ways to improve my writing, I truly appreciate it. I understand giving an apple thought, feelings, and friends is a pretty ridiculous idea.. But I wanted this to be more of a writing exercise than anything. Take a idea and rather than going a traditional route by taking the subject, in this case an apple and writing about how red it is and how it tastes or whatever... I wanted to go a stranger approach I guess