Workday

[Brownlie]

Workday
I'm a little nicer than than Tec but I'm also a little more young and hopeful... I enjoy reading this stuff so this isn't a chore for me. I don't give a damn man who the hell cares in this objective reality...


I come to sit at my desk,
struggling through the maze of untamed
cars and bikes and silly proud footmen. -- I like that you are attempting to manifest a voice that is somewhat unique to poetry though Bukowski seems to have captured some sort of aphoristic (if that's a word) sensibility. Still I'm partial to that voice even if it is for popular poetry.They seem to believe they are made of iron. -- A punchy lineI look over your desk, my friend,
to see myself as if you are a mirror, -- I would be as terse and honest as possible, what are the poems you like best? Immitate that... This is all my conjecture... a clear one at that, you show me
little cuts I made during shave today.

I look over to the boss;s office,
and his overdressed secretary, a cruel beauty -- I appreciate the voice you are attempting to convey is this you? or is this the narrator? you want for this poem?
she is , like a demoness with fangs -- lol be careful about being a male chauvinist I suppose it can be charming if your ignorant.
supple breasts and dark eyes.
I look to the boss, a happy man
he seems, I do not know him.
His happiness grows as he sinks his
teeth deeper into my hosting body. - I can't argue with your sentiment just don't manufacture a myth that could be harmfulOh! a day gone by without rest,

I am tired and sick, I search for answers
within these walls, I seek forever
I will not find, for I am a worker.-- I would not state you are a worker rather I would have the reader infer the type of voice of the narrator.

The exploited worker is a fine theme for poetry but I think you can make the situation more poignant. What does he have to go through every day? What are the specific images that can become metaphors for larger themes? That's my two cents. Thanks for posting.