The Supplicants

[tectak]

It goes on in the tiredest most droll sense possible, bringing no fresh revelation, no epitome, no closure, no fresh original poetic language just plattitudes in my opinion.

I wish I had something positive to add here. I did think the line "who will walk the lame" was funny, but only in the darkest sense of humour and there are many who wouldn't find it funny.

I don't think you should take this personally but I think this particular poem isn't really that good and I wouldn't even know where to begin to tell you how to start fixing it.

milo

Hello, Milo.

Thank you for your detailed critique.

I never take personally any comment, adverse or otherwise, on anything I have written. My only real concern is when readers assume that the attitudes of a fictional narrator reflect the personal attitudes of the writer.

As to the quality of what I wrote, I can only roughly quote Chaucer (and before him, Hippocrates): The life so short, the art so long to learn.

Regards,

Pilgrim.

Because I am never the narrator in anything I write, I always assume no one else is. You can imagine my surprise and dismay upon discussing a poem about a young girl whose grandmother just died . . .

As for the quality - yah, I have written much worse, it is what it is, hopefully we learn and move on.

I am not needed here but I would add only one point...not strictly poetic crit but salient nonetheless. When any aspirant chooses to write on a huge subject ( god, gravity, ghosts, wine) the talons come out and the gloves come off. To win this one, pilgrim, you need to be very, very sure that you (who assumes the personna of the narrator...or vice versa) know what you are talking about....if in doubt, keep out or keep it simple.
Best,
tectak