05-21-2013, 03:44 PM
Interesting subject to write about...
Anyway...you might want to think about shortening your lines. No1 wants to read a single line, break them up where natural pauses occur (commas, hyphons, ...)
You also want to reduce some of your words. Eliminate some redundant words. I'll give a little example in the first two lines...
I grew up on a farm, happy as could be
Everyday was blessed, in the orchards, where the sun always seemed to be shining on me.
I grew up on a farm, happy as could be
Everyday was blessed, the sun would always shine on me
'seemed to' is a little vague, doesn't lend much power to a sentence. 'in the orchards' is redundant, as we already know from the title and the opening line: I grew up on a farm.
Anyway...you might want to think about shortening your lines. No1 wants to read a single line, break them up where natural pauses occur (commas, hyphons, ...)
You also want to reduce some of your words. Eliminate some redundant words. I'll give a little example in the first two lines...
I grew up on a farm, happy as could be
Everyday was blessed, in the orchards, where the sun always seemed to be shining on me.
I grew up on a farm, happy as could be
Everyday was blessed, the sun would always shine on me
'seemed to' is a little vague, doesn't lend much power to a sentence. 'in the orchards' is redundant, as we already know from the title and the opening line: I grew up on a farm.