05-21-2013, 03:21 PM
er...you do realize that both of your definitions fit grammatically into the line, don't you?
And if your narrator believes in one God...well...combine that with how you talk about the other cultures in the beginning, and then suddenly bring up the problems of the kids, and the wars and the poor, and then the narrator pleads for his God to come back. Well that's just about the definition of a religious bigot.
The poem overall itself is not bad for me. I like the traditional four line verse poetry. And it flows pretty well. I'm just not very happy with the subject matter...but you can't please every1..
And if your narrator believes in one God...well...combine that with how you talk about the other cultures in the beginning, and then suddenly bring up the problems of the kids, and the wars and the poor, and then the narrator pleads for his God to come back. Well that's just about the definition of a religious bigot.
The poem overall itself is not bad for me. I like the traditional four line verse poetry. And it flows pretty well. I'm just not very happy with the subject matter...but you can't please every1..