Meadows

[Brownlie]

This is not actually the original as I wrote this a little while ago but then it was lost (hence this version is a semi-remembered form). Would love to get some feedback on this as I feel it flirts with cheesiness/just generally sucks a bit. Also I know the meter changes a bit, I know that is a nit for some of you so sorry. Anyway:

Hey this is not bad

In the meadow -- What does the meadow represent
Bright and clear
A perfect breath in times austere
Score dances from a fragile beak
A precious brush on lover's cheek

In a meadow
Overcast
Laced fingers flutter from the blast - What blast
Sluggish smoke
Whispered goodbye
Watching the ash rise to the sky

In a meadow
Before a flag
An oath is taken
Issued dog tag
A rage mephitic to torn world view
And a longing love that could tear in two


The sky shot through with nocuous fumes
The broken grounds belch souls in plumes
And a racing heart
Yearning exhumes
But in the meadow a poppy blooms -Why a poppy?

In the meadow - You Changed the anaphora slightly at the end this adds a dramatic touch.
Cold and clear
Reminisce with silent tear
And aching heart begging for score
But the birds don't sing any more.

I have some questions. What is this poem about? Do you think you've made the meaning clear enough?