Who will come...? Edit 2. Rowens, brownlie,milo and true

[milo]

Nice revision - some thoughts . . .

Edit 2

Who will come….? I would kill the elipsis but that is personal preference.
The first was never meant to live: in this new world, in these harsh times. the rhythm is a good enough excuse to use "this new" and "these harsh"
The wheels that scarred, the piercing scream, the life that flew to death
like Destiny, in bold pursuit of what was always going to be. I feel like "Destiny" is the wrong word here but I would be hard pressed to tell you what the right one was. "what was always going to be" is wordy and inefficient. what would be, what would always be, whatever.
He will not be at my party.

The second did not see the scythe; the silent touch, the stalking kill.
At once the rheumy, running eyes were tearful testament to time
and to the constant draw to earth, that pull of gravest gravity. "gravest gravity" is still not working for me.
She will not be at my party.

Then hope held firm for promised years until the third stepped off the stage.
We did not know, how could we tell? We knew no reason for the loss.
She turned to say she felt unwell and faded into endless sleep.
She will not be at my party.

"promised years" and "endless sleep"

The price we pay for life, it seems, is by the lives of others met;
a time in joyful summer days will stretch out into years until
the debt is due and called in on the few we hold, and then they part.
They will not be at my party .

RSVP becomes a wish. We look into our book and see
the crossed out names, the struck down stars;
we sigh and try to fill a room with friends that still may be.
Will no one come to my party?

I think the edit is coming along nicely. The rhythm is good though there is still a bit of metric padding. I love the concept BTW and hope to read the finished product.

regards my friend.

milo