Poem for a dear friend who is leaving.

[tectak]

Hi cmc,
The to road hell is paved with good intentions This is an unholy mess. OK. I have to justify my comment. First of all, forget all the declared pretentious and convoluted nonsense about trochee and spondees and half feet and pentameter and "switching" (Why bother?) This is a poem for a friend for chrissake. Do you think he will care if you disappear up your own iambs? Right? Write!
Hi everyone, I have a friend who's leaving for awhile. I wanted to get something for him, and thought that it's a good idea to write a poem for him. I really want this to be good, so give it an honest critique so I can make it good! What I'm going for in this poem is switching between Iambic and Trochaic each stanza. Each time I do both I drop a meter and do that. It goes from Pentameter to a single meter. Anyways, here it is!

For Mike
I tell the story fourteen chapters late.
We started off as being less than friends.I note the honest comment. Good. I will remember but you do not " start off as being"...you just " start off being" . The "as" is referential but cannot refer to the state of "being" because you have no valuation parameters to compare. The metaphor/simile card cannot be played. Wrong suit.
I knew him through my brother who adored
his calm composure produced by his love. Two "his"es but not defined clearly. Whose love produced the calm composure? Can you see the problem. Also, your ridiculous excuse for hobbled meter shows in this line as a stumble. PROD-duced!

Love that grew till we were all but distant. This line is utter nonsense. Why does the effect not relate to the cause? Even " Love that grew , though we were..." but you have a real problem explaining what "all but distant" means.
Great in structure, sturdy when storms came. There is not much else you can say to redeem L1 and so you do not.
Teaching both in school and life as equals. Read this line out loud and then tell me you meant it. What the hell does it mean. I hope he is a real good friend
While our friendship furthered through the time spent.Your punctuation is now a health hazard. Mostly my health. Sentences are basic to grammar. Try one....but remember, a full stop ENDS one and so the very next word BEGINS another sentence. It is a simple concept which has stood the test of time. See forum rules on posting in serious.

The fifteenth chapter here at last.
The future being present day
The man had now been newly wed
She too was caring like the friend.This is hyperspace. Where the hell am I? The future is now, but he was married in the past but right er...now...or newly means something else. Stand by for hyperspace...whoooosh! Where are we Scottie?

Now three years the friendship lasted. Ah...I see. We are "now" but three years ago..or not. I give up.
Even though I soon was struggling
Faith we shared had soon fallen.
Vision black, I felt a hand pull. You need to sort the chronology out. It is hopeless as it is. Sorry.

He pulled me out of hell.
My habits, thoughts, and soul
were coming back to life. Again. Gobbledygook. I know what you are trying to say and sympathise with your dilemma. Just calm down and write words that "match". Your habits, thoughts and soul were dead? Dead habit? A dead thought? A dead soul? Relief is coming. Next line.
But this all soon would end. but soon all this would end. Punctuation is now life threatening.

Months that followed after,
Time had seemed to quicken. This is worrying
Chapter sixteen half done.
Though the end was nearing. Forget this stanza. You have already. It says nothing at all in a very convincing way. I fear the worst.

The man had gone.Wha..? Wh..? Who? Who he? What man? Yikes! Another time warp! Puff! Just like that...vanished. Wormhole. Different dimension.
he left the town.
But times we shared,
weren't soon lost. But they WERE lost? Just took a while...no worries there. Soon it will be yesterday again

It was not done. What it?
We were still friends.
Though the man left.
Hearts weren't broken.

He taught.
He helped.
He cared.
He left.

Through all
endured.
Thank you,
Mike V.

Honestly? Just dreadful.You are probably, like me, a very nice chap...but for the sake of our friendship, and yours, write a small, succinct, praiseworthy poem for your friend. This is just indecipherable in the time allotted to human beings.
You think good thoughts but cannot match your own standards. Write it simple and well...not complicated and badly.
Best,
tectak