The Leveret (Threnody) (major rev.2)

[serge gurkski]

Alright according to merriam webster an ode is- a lyric poem usually marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms -- The key word here is lyric which means it is crafted to be set to a song. I'm sure Leanne would be a good source if you want more info on the ode. Having posted that it is really only a problem when you have a title that tells the reader they are going to read an ode.

Eyes dark, --terse lines give a feeling of scientific analysis
neck broken,
flesh warm,
still he lay.
In my arms
I carried
his carcass
to a grave of wet leaves - Wet leaves is your strongest image so far
but could not yet
let slip away
a life lost
so recently.-- Good sentiment
Rich was the night.
The touch of death
was teasing
softly:
follow me!
It's easy.

Billy may have a point questioning your use of enjambment some may argue that each line should be self contained unless you want that hurried running expression that enjambment can bring. Thanks for posting.

re: Ode. You have a point there. Maybe it is a Threnody, rather. (Then I could do without "dead": Threnody to a leveret. Or instead just: Dead leveret?)
Enjabment: this is a very slow piece, which is why I restructured the first couple of lines. I left a trace of enjambment only for reason of content: to make visible the difficulty of the N to let go of the young life.
Here for the same reason:
but could not yet
let slip away
a life lost
so recently.


But as I wrote above: line breaks! Sigh! ;-)
Thanks for looking into this again.
cheers
Serge