Jesus and his quest for glory.

[Mad Matt]

I have to agree with you about Christmas, last Christmas I came up with this little ditty which I put in the few Christmas cards I bothered to send.

Christmas time is here again
Hundreds of pounds down the drain
Fifty quid for a turkey or goose
Enough on pudding to rot a tooth

Presents for second cousins son
On your partner no less than a ton
Secret Santa for the twats at work
Drinks in the pub for an absolute burke

Have kids then take out a loan
For every child a brand new phone
Crackers with diamond rings
Pull them they play music by Wings

More lights on the house than three doors down
Electric bill arrives with a deathly frown
Christmas tree drops needles to the floor
Broken Hoover which was working before

It’s worth it all you may say
For festive cheer on the day
Children scream and couples bicker
Over washing up and Granny’s ticker

Grandpa holds court with racist views
While I watch Bond in a haze of booze
Halfway through it’s time for Her Maj
"Happy Christmas peasants, smell one's vaj"

After the Queen we open our gifts
A mad scrum as everyone shifts
Grabbing prezzies fast as they can
Ripping off paper with fast moving hand

Once again undies and socks
Bottle of gin and a box of chocs
We play Charades, pointless mimes
Finding the answers in the Radio Times

Count down the hours till the end of the day
Wishing that Christmas would go away
At least it’s over when I go to bed
The one day a year that fills me with dread.