My Gran cried the day he died.

[heslopian]

No idea where this came from, had planned to sit down to have a go at Milo's new practice thread..and this came out instead

My Gran cried the day he died.

Did the King feel the love?
As he parked his royal arse,
dimpled like burger buns,
smattered with the seeds
of his history; scattered throughout his veins. A really disgusting but poetic and evocative verse L3 - 4 are brilliant.

Chocky-topping and mallow lumps, floating
like mini burgs, unseen
just beneath the thin surface tension of his skin, Good line. Rhythmic and straightforward; no fuss, no muss.
but sharp enough to cut him.

The king – seeded and swollen,
a song filled bud of bursting energy. "Song" and "filled" should have a dash between them, I think. Otherwise, great line. Really strong imagery, even if it is abstract.
Adored by a rising flood of screaming
pre-pubescent love, railing against the passive
calm, and hyped up by the overflowing effervescing
slag heap of daily living, they flocked
to hear him sing his lonesome songs. So... who is the king exactly? Is "king" a literal or symbolic title? He sounds a bit like a shanachie (professional storyteller).

Taken out by a seedy turd.
Well travelled, squeezed and purged
through a needled camel’s eye, Again, disgusting but poetic.
until his tallowed heart flickered
upon his marbled throne. From "until" to "throne" = excellent. The pressure
of his lonely passage vented
in one, last, orchestrated movement
that brought a tear to the nation’s eye.
My Gran cried the day he died.

I really liked this poem because it did something not many do: mixed the vulgar with the transcendant. Some of it was gross and gooey, all of it was soft and flowing, a bit like a liquid poo Thank you very much for the read, cidermaid