Mary's Last Line

[tectak]

Hello poetic, and welcome. You go boldly. My line by line will therefore have less impact!
She stood eyes closed>She stood, eyes closed, and smelled mothballs.
and smelled mothballs.
Spirits of false lives
lingered with whispers
that echoed in rows
of empty seats.> Very,very nice observation. I feel this, as much as you obviously do. Well communicated.

Popcorn crushed,
road-kill against
the plush red carpet,>extravagant metaphor. Road kill is overkill. This line is overconfident. You are still gleefull over the success of the opening night!
and the swivel sound
of heavy velvet retreats
into the wings.> I do not relate to a swivel sound anymore than I do to a paper-weight sound. Both are inanimate. Swishing sound? Difficult to get right but you got it wrong methinks. All is opinion.
Characters wilted
as halogen lights flickered.>Drop the conditional "as", use comma after "wilted", then see below.
She sighed in self-defeat
for last lines slipped by
unnoticed.>Perhaps "as" instead of "for"?

Nice cameo, good imagery and imagination, well observed and communicated. It is a short piece but packed as Persig's Pistons. This is one of those all too rare pieces that benefits from its own form. You got away with the enjambment in the last line because it was THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Well done.
Best,
tectak