Mary's Last Line

[billy]

there's the making of a decent poem here, all it needs is a bit of love and attention edit-wise at present it feels a little flat but i don't think it would take a lot to make it a well rounded poem. it almost capture the emptiness of the theatre and the nostalgia of the actress. i do wonder who the 'mary' is. it leaves good thoughts in my head. thanks for the read.

She stood eyes closed
and smelled mothballs. a suggestion would be to make it more. ie, remove the 'and and add something like 'rising damp', smelled mothballs and rising damp
Spirits of false lives i get this represents actors who have graced the stage and possibly died. if so, say it as it is; spirits of old Thespians...or something that floats a little higher off the page.
lingered with whispers
that echoed in rows in 'empty rows' which would mean losing the next line.
of empty seats.

Popcorn crushed,
road-kill against road kill feels like the wrong metaphor but i like the idea.
the plush red carpet, is 'the' needed?
and the swivel sound
of heavy velvet retreats
into the wings.

Characters wilted
as halogen lights flickered.
She sighed in self-defeat
for last lines slipped by maybe 'that' after lines.
unnoticed. the line feels redundant