05-16-2013, 12:49 PM
(05-16-2013, 10:47 AM)Heartafire Wrote:Hello, Heartafire. Thank you for your comments. Very happy that you liked it.(05-16-2013, 09:14 AM)Pilgrim Wrote: LamentationsLove this! Very fun and amusing. Great rhyming, flowing fine. I noted a couple of nits. Nothing much...nice job on this.
I had a pet once, then it died;
I had a friend, and then she lied.
I lost my money in the crash;
my car was wrecked in a head-on smash.
I’m unemployed, my prospects few,
O, woe is me! What shall I do?
But wait – is that a light I see?
The tunnel’s end? Well, glory be!
There lives a widow up the hill,
a sprightly sort, good-looking still,
who might just welcome my approach.
(I’ll take along my auntie’s brooch.) broach?
Hold on a minute! Not so fast.
There were some rumours in the past,
about the times that she’s been wed:
at least a dozen, someone said.
I don’t like this. I smell a rat.
I’m not the kind to fall for that.
She’ll take me in, all wreathed in smiles,
then start to work her woman’s wiles;
and what began as board and bed this seems tad awkward,
will end up with yours truly dead.
Oh dear, oh dear, life’s such a pain.
Now I’ll have to start again.
I’m unemployed, my prospects few,
O, woe is me! What shall I do … ?
_________________
Heart
As to brooch/broach – the former seems to be a more common spelling than the latter.
As to that ‘awkward’ line, will give it some close attention.
Regards,
Pilgrim.
Rose-lipt maidens, lightfoot lads!

