1989
#5
no line by line, i see the wall obviously and Tienanmen square. other than those two it's vague, if the poem is only about those two incidents make it more obvious in the title, 1989 two incidents...or three incidents. not sure the Berlin wall needs to stated as it's show already. seven, not 7, numbers are usually spelled out in poetry though it's a neither here or there nit Smile it rhymes in places but not in others. if you use rhyme, try and using it with a constant meter. though aian it's just a nit. there seems to be a lot of punctuation, let the line ends do their job where you can.

That's the rattling lungs of restitution,

stands out as a most excellent line. some of the poem feels wordy (to many fillers) ie, the fall of the Berlin wall;
a falling Berlin wall. that said, all in all it was a good read in need of an edit.
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Messages In This Thread
1989 - by Catcherin - 05-15-2013, 06:05 PM
RE: 1989 - by rowens - 05-16-2013, 08:44 AM
RE: 1989 - by Catcherin - 05-16-2013, 08:55 AM
RE: 1989 - by rowens - 05-16-2013, 09:01 AM
RE: 1989 - by billy - 05-16-2013, 10:17 AM



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