05-15-2013, 11:11 PM
(05-15-2013, 10:38 PM)rowens Wrote: Don't understand the title is this part of a series?Tried my best but I'm still unsure what's going on in this one, I liked the part on wine. Interested to see what others think. This was more amusing than my homework so thanks for posting.
And in his eyes was menace;--- Prepare for flack or plaudits on your use of the semicolon
and in his heart was peace.
What could be reconciled with such a man? ---So he had a conflicted heart? Perhaps this could be said more succinctly
But what is peace and security
among men,
but pride, and slothful ignorance. --- I like the sentiment but perhaps there is a more vivid way to show this
A happy man never dances as thankful
as a forsaken man to the tune of a doubtful hope. -- words like hope are very abstract and may convolute your point
All the angels were women
as beautiful and sensual as the hot breasted clouds
before a storm. --- clouds is your best image here
And he could feel their rumblings.
Every storm with its thunder
roared within his loins.
Bolts of electricity, ready for
his gorgeous angels' waiting bowels.
His love ached for all future mothers,
and he knew he'd have a stake in them. --- stake in them? sounds like a double entendre
In the warmth of wine, -- like a flushed face or something?
he saw his future conquests;
that hope of even the poorest, foolish men begets. -- This seems kind of sad
He was a writer, not a prophet;
he revised his own words, and
his words were further edited by men that
only worked for angels.
Was the man in purple only such a man? -- Is purple being used symbollically?
He was such a man,
among hundreds of men that worked and found comfort
in cities.
Why had he strove to be free of the desert cities
of Egypt,
only to make a desert of, and erect great cities
of all the land they won through their conquests?
Now, to think about it, he was such a man;
and the man in purple, even more so.
"One more book." He told his soul,
and felt fatefully in his heart.
On this his mind rested,
with a rest he'd never known before.
He rested in his silence.
But he was silent; the man in purple would not yet know.

