05-15-2013, 02:46 PM
I'm not a pro or anything, but I would say this poem lacks "hard work."
I'm not sure I like the first stanza. It seems too bleak. I know the title says "Hard Worker" but this stanza is devoid of any real work. Any one who is any one says they break their back at work even if all they do is Facebook for 8 hours. Oh and believe me, any one also seeks to end the on going trend in Stanza 2 line 1. I dont understand the correlation between a tree branch and the so-called Hard Worker. Again, any one who works will say they have to bend and bend at their job.
In Stanza 3, does he wonder why his palms are dry and skin is cracked? Or does he wonder why he keeps going back to a job that keeps him dry and scaly? Again, it goes back to being just any one. Any one wonders why they do the job they do.
Stanza 4 is about as much effort as you would receive, if confiding with a friend who lies to you. Basically, to me, the very last line is telling me what I want to hear. I don't believe a Hard Worker wants to hear that if he tries harder he'll make it because he's a hard worker. No. I think a Hard Worker knows he is a hard worker and that is the point that you should try to portray.
In the end, I like the idea of writing about a genuine hard worker. Unfortunately, to me, the poem was very lazy.
Perhaps explain a little detail of his day. Something more than "he breaks his back" metaphorically or literally. Heh, he obviously doesn't break his back literally...
I'm not sure I like the first stanza. It seems too bleak. I know the title says "Hard Worker" but this stanza is devoid of any real work. Any one who is any one says they break their back at work even if all they do is Facebook for 8 hours. Oh and believe me, any one also seeks to end the on going trend in Stanza 2 line 1. I dont understand the correlation between a tree branch and the so-called Hard Worker. Again, any one who works will say they have to bend and bend at their job.
In Stanza 3, does he wonder why his palms are dry and skin is cracked? Or does he wonder why he keeps going back to a job that keeps him dry and scaly? Again, it goes back to being just any one. Any one wonders why they do the job they do.
Stanza 4 is about as much effort as you would receive, if confiding with a friend who lies to you. Basically, to me, the very last line is telling me what I want to hear. I don't believe a Hard Worker wants to hear that if he tries harder he'll make it because he's a hard worker. No. I think a Hard Worker knows he is a hard worker and that is the point that you should try to portray.
In the end, I like the idea of writing about a genuine hard worker. Unfortunately, to me, the poem was very lazy.
Perhaps explain a little detail of his day. Something more than "he breaks his back" metaphorically or literally. Heh, he obviously doesn't break his back literally...