05-15-2013, 05:27 AM
I love the flow that builds up in the poem, from the way I read it. Reading back over it again, I recommend two changes:
1. The first line is quite weak in comparison to the rest of it. I don't think 'hear them now' starts strongly enough for such a forward poem.
2. 'Here the silver handkerchief' and 'wiping tears as if it grieves' should be one line, for visuals. Then again, I like it how it is. Decisions, decisions...
Although I think the rhyme, the flow, everything works, it's as if you've only just scratched the surface of what you could write with it. You have a great idea and a great talent to work with - describe the monster, the silver handkerchief...
1. The first line is quite weak in comparison to the rest of it. I don't think 'hear them now' starts strongly enough for such a forward poem.
2. 'Here the silver handkerchief' and 'wiping tears as if it grieves' should be one line, for visuals. Then again, I like it how it is. Decisions, decisions...
Although I think the rhyme, the flow, everything works, it's as if you've only just scratched the surface of what you could write with it. You have a great idea and a great talent to work with - describe the monster, the silver handkerchief...
- Amy
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)
(You wouldn't be surprised to know my parents did not christen me UnicornRainbowCake.)