05-14-2013, 12:33 PM
hey.
I like that a tree is reminiscing. although i think by Stanza 10, the tree becomes long winded and is talking too much. I didn't really like Stanza 10 anyway. Not sure, but I think this piece could do without it. I dunno, it seems like it was forced when Stanza 13 came. I did lose attention around this part, I wont lie. But that could just be me.
I love Stanza 2, Line 3-4. A little kid looking up at a tall ass tree thinking it goes on forever and ever. I like the idea of the tree talking about the family growing up and such. But maybe it can be shortened. Take Stanzas 4-9 and mash em together maybe?
You could spend a good day working on this fixing it up. Should be fun though lol Have a drink!
I like that a tree is reminiscing. although i think by Stanza 10, the tree becomes long winded and is talking too much. I didn't really like Stanza 10 anyway. Not sure, but I think this piece could do without it. I dunno, it seems like it was forced when Stanza 13 came. I did lose attention around this part, I wont lie. But that could just be me.
I love Stanza 2, Line 3-4. A little kid looking up at a tall ass tree thinking it goes on forever and ever. I like the idea of the tree talking about the family growing up and such. But maybe it can be shortened. Take Stanzas 4-9 and mash em together maybe?
You could spend a good day working on this fixing it up. Should be fun though lol Have a drink!