05-13-2013, 03:37 PM
(05-13-2013, 02:53 PM)alan6693 Wrote: Wordslots of grammar mistakes...but overall a good poem i guess...well i enjoyed it anyway...one of the few that don't rhyme that i did. Btw, is there a reason only the start is capitalized? and none of them were full sentences, only fragments...was that intentional as well?
Words written in stones thrown to the gravel.
we are the rebels that wish not to be enlightened by the truth
but by the benevolent fear of our lies becoming our reality. Benevolent fear? i don't see it...sounds a bit forced to me
and yet we hide behind and empty body, that an
we know wont satisfy any of our fictitious desires. wanting won't
to vanish from a world that has no condolence for those who
are tired of the lugubrious path of life. not knowing that we are light in my opinion, you should capitalize Light, since your personifying it. unless the no caps was intentional...
it self pondering the ambition of a diseased illusion. itself, (needs some form of sentence break between itself and pondering)