05-12-2013, 07:04 PM
yep, the prose feels tighter. with what you removed and added, the removal of 'then' from the 2nd line was the best part of the prose edit. i do think the rest helped the read also.
the haiku works a lot better
using 575 is great, one proble with it is that sometimes we add a word like 'the' or 'and' in order to make up the syl count. when we do this we can sometimes force the image and make it less natural, what ever count you use, don't force it
the haiku works a lot better
using 575 is great, one proble with it is that sometimes we add a word like 'the' or 'and' in order to make up the syl count. when we do this we can sometimes force the image and make it less natural, what ever count you use, don't force it