The Rush

[fourtimefelon]

Hi fourtimefelon,
Oh no not another life is wonderful poem
No thank fuck.
There's some interesting stuff in here and it was a bit of a shame to see it had no comments so far. But that's possibly to do with the references to drugs which a lot of people might not get, although saying that "morphines mixed in these syringes" is not really obscure,
is it about a trip to the dentist?
I like the comparison with the gun but I'd be willing to bet that its been used before, so some people might say that its cliche. I didn't know what xanax was, but it seems as though it's valium???
As regards subject matter I certainly think its worth exploring more and I applaud you for tackling it. The sporadic rhyming at times I think distracts from the poem as a whole, if it was consistent it might work better, but for this kind of subject matter I would stay away from it. I was wondering about the words in bold and also about Hurt, I presume thats a name?? But if so it seems like a reference that only you would understand, I may be wrong.
And finally the last line is a bit muddled up in a contradiction with 'momentary forever' I know what your getting at but it doesn't make sense.
Hope I haven't went overboard with what I've said, I like the fact that your tackling a more difficult topic. As long as your next poem is not about fluffy bunnies and rainbows.
Have your heard of a the poet Allen Ginsberg, if not he is well worth reading, I think you'd like his style, especially 'Howl' its a classic.
Thanks for the read.
AR

Thanks for the feedback. Not gonna lie, I really put a lot of of my last three years into this. Not time spent on the words, like the experiences that led to the words coming into my head. I removed some of the bolding and just left some italics and an underline to stress those few sections. The word "hurt" being capitalized isn't really a name, it's more of a deification. When people refer to God using Him, they capitalize it. Well, The hurt I'm talking about is all consuming. Physical, mental, spiritual. At times it becomes deity that rules my actions, my life. I allow it to become my alpha and omega. It fixes and ruins everything all at the same time. When you see it and feel it like I do, then you realize that it's worthy of a wary respect, or at the least capitalization. And yeah, Xanax is like a valium, actually in the same class of drug. It's an anti-anxiety medication. Now, the rhyming, I don't know. Even if it seems distracting I don't think I could or would change it. This is really personal for me, and those words poured onto the paper. I've only barely changed it from the first time I wrote it. Punctuation is one thing, but I'm afraid to lose the feeling by changing the words too much. But I really do appreciate someone finally taking the time to actually look at this one, say something about it. I think I'll take your advice about the word momentary, though.

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Oh, and I said something in a post elsewhere on the site, but sometimes cliches work best at getting a point across. That's why they became cliche in the first place.