Genesis

[allykat727]

Unique and beautifully written!

I walked into the jungle and came out as a man
I'm not the lotus torn by the void's eye
The astral eye will be my night
It will never dance the dirge of dawn
It will be the darkest bright i like this contradiction
My air in summerland is crystal, not crime
Whither, wilt, whisper in its name the rhyme of 'crys' and 'whis' is lovely here
The wilt of a halfman
Is not the wilt that is mine
A voyage through the ocean under the skin
I became apart of that sea, that is when meant to be 'a part'?
I became a man this is definitely my favorite stanza. I felt it had the best rhythm.

I drank the violet waters from the fountain of a halfman
I'm not the crying creek quilting a moon's ripple nice alliteration
Or the ground whispering to its mirror Mars mirror Mars? hmm...?
I'm the gale of dust under the drifting grey mountain
The eyes , these eyes, aren't fading by the eye
In the creeping of the silver, it laughed
That laugh was a forest without trees
In the bark I saw no man hmm... if the forest has no trees, why is there bark?
There laid a heart
It was my heart
That is
When
I became a halfman

I limped from the caving house and saw a boy 'caving house': nice image
I'm not tied to the alice tree of dawn you have already mentioned dawn in your first stanza. the second stanza, the moon ripple denotes night time. for me, these words help paint a scene. maybe consider a new time of day for this stanza?
These swimming solid leaves are not me
Behind the halfline of my velvet sea
They float me across and I become gold
The waters of metronome shift to the waters of man
And the waves of man become the sea of silence
That is when
I became a boy

The tree bloomed an aurora of leaves and I became nothing

Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece. It is full of gorgeous turns of words that made me want to read it again and again. I did feel that there were meaningful things going that I was not quite able to grasp. The images were beautiful, but I didn't feel like I could connect each image to the next image. But that may just be because I am not the most experienced reader of poetry Thanks for the read!