05-12-2013, 08:13 AM
Hey Sonata, I tended to agree with the the other critiques. You told the story a little to directly for my taste. The idea of crawling in and out of the 'pit' is pretty cool and I think the idea has the potential to be more powerful. Also, maybe a new stanza for the final 'crawling back into the pit of shame'? I think the break could be useful for the emotion. Like the character is stunned and silent before withdrawing back into the pit. Thanks for the read!