05-12-2013, 06:44 AM
(05-12-2013, 04:49 AM)Heartafire Wrote: I am obsessing a loveHi Heart,
that thrives on war.
I’ve abandoned the joy of
clustered Rhododendrons;
their beauty bores me.
I am weaving through heaven
without a tether.
Tangled on a string of stars,
losing our connection. You are so far -
A thousand miles of oceans lie
below this abyss of could be.
This is very beautiful and sorrowful at the same time. The images are extremely strong and powerful.
I especially like the second stanza with it's alliteration and the word "Rhododendrons" with it's ready made alliteration, it is such a beautiful word. I also like the use of the capitalization on Rhododendrons. My only possible nit would be the last stanza and the pluralisation of ocean, I can see why you've used it but to me it seems to disrupt the flow slightly.
But all in all I really like this poem.
Thanks
AR
When I clicked on this poem it was from the main page, and I have just now realised that it is in serious critique, oooops. So sorry that it isn't a line by line critique, hope this will suffice.
wae aye man ye radgie
