05-11-2013, 08:09 AM
I can see where you're going with this poem, but it seems very.. flat. You have some good lines, I think you could maybe build the poem around. And try to say things in a different way, as cloudy mentioned, it's very good advise.
Maybe this is just my personal opinion (probably is), but there were too many 'what if's. That didn't work for me.
I hope you'll keep writing
-LB
Maybe this is just my personal opinion (probably is), but there were too many 'what if's. That didn't work for me.
I hope you'll keep writing
-LB