05-11-2013, 07:26 AM
this poem doesn't seem to have much to say. we've all imagined a world to that effect.
to make it more interesting maybe you could chop away the bulk, keep the interesting bits (rowens mentioned one, "what if there was no sleep no rest" is another interesting, albeit unpleasant thought) and then surprise us with an ending that has some new idea or vision or thought that we haven't considered before. good poetry is about saying/seeing things in a new way, and it takes practice. keep working at it and good luck!
-cloudy
to make it more interesting maybe you could chop away the bulk, keep the interesting bits (rowens mentioned one, "what if there was no sleep no rest" is another interesting, albeit unpleasant thought) and then surprise us with an ending that has some new idea or vision or thought that we haven't considered before. good poetry is about saying/seeing things in a new way, and it takes practice. keep working at it and good luck!
-cloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.