Peace of my mind

[KICKBACK]

Crawling at the bottom of a pit, long forgotten
Body's crying for mercy
Solitude is eating soul from the inside
Heart is colder than ever before
It's craving for a flame
The vision is blurred and can't see nor feel it
To cry is to know that you are alive
It seems like all the weepings are gone
Or have we become deaf and unable to hear cries
Helpless soul is slowly dying
The world has become a very quit place

I'm having trouble distinguishing Lines 1 & 2. Is the pit long forgotten, or are the body's crying for mercy long forgotten?

I'm not like that only one heart is being talked about on Line 4-5. To me, it sounds better saying, "Hearts are colder than ever before/ They are craving for their flame"

But now I read Line 6 and you wrote "it." Now I am guessing that you meant "heart." Can't see nor feel [the heart], which is what you were talking about in Line 4-5.

Maybe say something like, "Hearts are colder than ever before/ They are craving for their flame/ The vision is blurred and can't see nor feel/ But crying still, to know that you are alive"

The poem does make me think of Hell. Lost and forgotten souls trapped in a cold dark pit. They are forever in anguish as long as they are alive. So to finally stop crying means you've expired. And a whole lot of souls have quit in this pit. Pretty sickening.

All in all, nice work. The typos do not help, so proofread. In this case I was almost derailed from the poem and all you were missing were 2 letters. Maybe we can get you to touch up the poem a little bit, too.

Keep writing.