05-09-2013, 09:57 PM
hi Zerric
from reading your comment above, it seems like you didn't really get across what you wanted to. rhyming couplets are hard because they're very restrictive, and have to be done well to avoid sounding silly. maybe you can play with this and put it into a different form and see what shape it takes on. it didn't feel very dark to me and I wasn't quite sure what was going on either, so though the story may be powerful, the writing isn't quite there yet. good luck and looking forward to an edit!
-cloudy
from reading your comment above, it seems like you didn't really get across what you wanted to. rhyming couplets are hard because they're very restrictive, and have to be done well to avoid sounding silly. maybe you can play with this and put it into a different form and see what shape it takes on. it didn't feel very dark to me and I wasn't quite sure what was going on either, so though the story may be powerful, the writing isn't quite there yet. good luck and looking forward to an edit!
-cloudy
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.