05-09-2013, 12:28 PM
it can be very hard as the poet to see the wood for the trees, we see what we write as our children as good stuff etc.
the bricks of gold like oz, and the streets of gold in dick Whittington is a strong cliche, and because of it we knew too easily or to obviously.
no one is saying remove the 1st stanza, they or should i say 'I' am saying it's redundant, it just gives more of what's all ready in the poem and in a very telly way. try changing it or just leave it as is, the choice is yours, up till now you accept that other than a bit of punctuation the poem is nigh on perfect or good enough to be presented as is, that's fine but there'll come a time when you look back on this poem and see instantly, it was written by someone who was on the first steps of learning to be a poet, let's call these steps, the steps of denial, i've been on them, as have most poets. we all have to climb over them, now don't think i'm attacking the poet here, i'm just pointing out what effect the poem and the poet's feedback (yours) has on me the reader.
the bricks of gold like oz, and the streets of gold in dick Whittington is a strong cliche, and because of it we knew too easily or to obviously.
no one is saying remove the 1st stanza, they or should i say 'I' am saying it's redundant, it just gives more of what's all ready in the poem and in a very telly way. try changing it or just leave it as is, the choice is yours, up till now you accept that other than a bit of punctuation the poem is nigh on perfect or good enough to be presented as is, that's fine but there'll come a time when you look back on this poem and see instantly, it was written by someone who was on the first steps of learning to be a poet, let's call these steps, the steps of denial, i've been on them, as have most poets. we all have to climb over them, now don't think i'm attacking the poet here, i'm just pointing out what effect the poem and the poet's feedback (yours) has on me the reader.