Maceration [revision 1]

[tectak]

As I slept, your rivulets redecorated.Clear start as far as players go. You and I. You make the "rivulets" anthropomorphically inclined in L4 and this may be problematical. So...you, I and they. I can foresee issues here.
Trickling from the tub,
they invited lichen to the kitchen,Nice turn of phrase. Do you say lichen as in "kitchen" or lichen as in "liken"? Just curious. Either way, still nice..but now I look at "trickle"
replaced our flowered wallpaper with moss.
I awoke to waterfalls
where I remembered stairs.Again, nicely observed but we are in Niagra territory. Bit of a disconnect here. Trickle to waterfall in less than three lines. I don't care about the meter in this piece. It is though, a story so far. Do you think it is a poem. Why?

After they fished you from the brimming bath,You? Who? We are character swapping here. Needs clarification because this piece marches on apace and does not seem inclined to give me any more information. Help required. We now have "they" again but not, I suspect, the same "they" who I thought were anthropomorphic rivulets...er trickles...er waterfalls...er , HANG ON,floods already!
Mother flung the house open and mopped
until evening throbbed with frogsong."Until" is causative and chronological at the same time. I think you mean chronological. Try "...until the evening AIR throbbed with frogsong". It is not a complete cure but I cannot get this. "How was your evening?". "Oh, throbbing, thanks for asking."
Still the flood would not subside. I am beginning to think this is deliberate but even as a metaphor it is obscure... and if it IS a metaphor it should clarify not obfuscate. Maybe this piece needs to include some more information. I do not normally ask for more but there is a nice taste to the thing which is palatable and, well, moreish.

For months our meals were spicedYou can just get away with the all encompassing "our" but this reader is uncertain who y'all are.
with the tang of rotting timber.You have now lapsed into an acceptable meter and not before time...in fact, too late. I bet you do not maintain it
But we clung on,No. Thought not. It matters not. The previous two lines were an aberration. Though you show no inkling to make this in any sense metric verse it would help considerably if you could get closer to some rhythmical discipline.
shelved you well above the water line
and traded in our thongs for waders.
Men arrived to try to drain the mire,
though alligators made the work impossible.Hmmm. Last four lines are enigmatic. I want to say I know what the hell we are being given here, but you will excuse me if I admit defeat. We now have the very loose possessive "our" but once again, who are these be-thonged rednecks in the Okefenokee swamp?

Eventually, the mangrove grew
too tangled to cut a path.
In Autumn, the last of the walls falling away,
we abandoned the land to the herons,
scattering you among the cattails Catfish consume, surely? Not cattails
that consumed the wreckage.Gone. Given up. Nice while it lasted.

Hi Synthetic,
I kind of liked this because it DOES tell a story. It lacks poetic endeavour and is in fact the antithesis of what poetry is about. That is not a criticism....oh alright, it is...but you could do much better than this with your obvious observational prowess. The big issue is in the defining of your characters and in giving them (I, you, they, we) fixed identities. I can see merit in this, though. Milo gave you good advice, as he sometimes does , and I would refer you particularly to rhythm, regardless of whatever you feel is your own "style"...it is only pride. This is worth worth workshopping.
Best,
tectak