Forgotten

[C.M.C.]

Forgotten,
Like the way the sky forgets the sun at 1 AM, definitely could be shortened
You forgot me.

I was replaced. If the stanzas are going to be similar they will need a meter. Count the syllables and make a meter for the poem. Here is a link for an explanation of meters on the forum: http://pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=3512
You traded in your coal for a diamond, once again shorten up a bit and keep a constant meter. Either get reid of this line or add another line to the first stanza.
Just like you left me. Say something shorter with the same syllable count as "you forgot me"

What once was a treasure
Is now merely rubbish
That you tossed away.
Just like you threw me away. This whole stanza seems off from the rest of the poem.

Forgotten,
Like the penny left in the pocket of an old pair of jeans, Once again, slim it down.
You forgot me.

I like the poems idea, but I think you could use some structure to it. I also think it could be shortened to get to the point without a lot of useless words. I'm going to give an example of how it could be worded better:


Forgotten,
like the sky forgets the sun at night.
You forgot me.

I'm replaced.
You traded in your coal for diamond.
You just left me.

What once was
a treasure is now merely rubbish.
I'm thrown away.

Forgotten,
like a penny left in old pockets.
You forgot me.

I hope this helped you!