05-08-2013, 09:45 AM
Hi loraineraleigh,
I liked this poem and thought that the images you used worked very well as metaphors for what you were trying to convey. I also liked the way each stanza became progressively shorter over the whole of the poem to reinforce that feeling of being worn away, with that in mind I think that the last stanza would possibly be better split up so that the word 'gone' was on its own right at the end of the poem.
Everything else has already been said by Volaticus, all good advice.
Thanks for the read.
AR
I liked this poem and thought that the images you used worked very well as metaphors for what you were trying to convey. I also liked the way each stanza became progressively shorter over the whole of the poem to reinforce that feeling of being worn away, with that in mind I think that the last stanza would possibly be better split up so that the word 'gone' was on its own right at the end of the poem.
Everything else has already been said by Volaticus, all good advice.
Thanks for the read.
AR
wae aye man ye radgie