Death and Spring

[tectak]

Death and Spring

Wherever a flower blooms
A motionless dead body looms No it doesn't...but dead bodies are generally motionless...so you get a point for astuteness This is a lofty proclamation and there is no evidence for it. It starts your poem with an inadequate sense of veracity. Not good.

A body a bulb to cast a dim light Complete nonsense grammatically and made worse by the gaping disconnect.What possible connection is there between the first line of nonsense and the whistfully rhetorical "Perhaps a soul took flight?" Perhaps it didn't. So your point is? You must not make poetic pies out of mud.
Perhaps a soul took flight

Of life to move there was a dearth Again. Utter rubbish. This Iine makes a perfect partner for the next. They are made for each other. Do you know what your words mean? What is "dearth succor"? Punctuate to clarity and help the reader by not capitalising every line. It is unnecessary and outmoded...also bloody confusing in a piece with no natural meter and no help from metronomic rhyme.
Succor from within the earth

Corporeal corpses feed the animated bodiesBalderdash. This is Stanley Unwin at his best. Rotting is absolutely NOT what you so inadequately but confidently describe. Dilettante. Do not write outside your own knowledge base otherwise your centre of gravity will topple you. Once you commit to scrutiny your words belong to the reader...and this reader does not want them unless they are competent.
This is the process of rotting

To sprout pale petals
Moved by ghastly pedals of rigid treadlesNo idea what this means so assuming my own inadequacies are showing I will await a luminary. Any takers?

Pellucid tears of the bereaved filled with sobs and heaves Excellent word choice. Pellucid works well here, then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "filled with sobs and heaves" Hang on! I think there's a rhyme...but you're out of time. It is better to rhyme if you can, all the way; but if you cannot, do not. How does one "heave morning dew" by the way? Punctuate for Pete's sake...and mine
Mourning dew magnify the hue upon the verdant leaves You are not writing sentences

On these trees did humans impart lifeWhat bloody trees? A disconnect. Did you think you had mentioned trees? These trees? It matters not. Of more significance, humans imparted life on them. Or did they? Perhaps it is a miracle, Ent it?(pun)
Through their turmoil and their strife

As the dew the tear magnifies light
But tears prove some are torn from life Gobbledygook. You are havering. I have no idea what this means, and though often this is my fault, not this time.You really must try to write to be read. As it is, only you know what you mean. You are brainstorming in a terrarium. This piece is only understandable within the glass walls of your own cerebral peregrinations. A rewrite must involve the reader. Give more concrete rigidity to your thinking...and try to stay on the planet.

And the bereaved can bear the weight of soil
The dawning dirty burden of earthly toil You repeat "bereaved" so it must be significant in all this metaphysical manoeuvering...but what, I ask, is "soil the dawning" Don't ask me. You wrote it.

Not Part of the Poem:
Unfortunately Rothke beat me to the bunch using the pun of bulb as a light and a part of a plant, I would be much obliged to hear any reactions to this poem.

Dreadful. Look, you get an idea. You think about it. You write about it. That is not the end...it is the beginning. This is the serious crit forum. READ your work before someone else does. Get pissed. Read it again.Can you understand it now? Yes? Well it is nonsense. Sit quietly with a glass of wine and read it out loud, whilst sober. Check it for clarity, grammar, syntax, rhythm, meter, rhyme if so inclined...correct it. Read it to to the milkman...ignore his comments. Trim it, tune it, polish it...post it.It will still get hammered BUT only like pewter.
Best,
tectak
Keep writing. You can only improve.