05-08-2013, 01:04 AM
Relentlessly, the waves beat upon the rocks.
Where to you think sand comes from?
Where do
Castles; between your toes; in the bucket; in your eyes.
Relentlessly, the rain beats against the earth.
Where do you think rivers come from?
Peaceful; raging; flooding; flowing.
Relentlessly, the fists beat upon my heart.
Where do you think tears come from?
Painful; hurtful; cleansing; racking.
Relentlessly, the heels beat against my head.
Where do you think loveless comes from?
Lonely; searing; lonely; lonely.
Loveless.
I don't have it.
I don't feel it.
I don't want it.
Loveless
Waves; rain; fists; feet.
Beating me lovelessly.
There's some understanding of conflicting adjectives. But not much is done with it. This seems like a decent enough area to launch into something better. Open up the feelings behind this, and make a better poem the next time. It might be getting there. Just not there yet.
Where to you think sand comes from?
Where do
Castles; between your toes; in the bucket; in your eyes.
Relentlessly, the rain beats against the earth.
Where do you think rivers come from?
Peaceful; raging; flooding; flowing.
Relentlessly, the fists beat upon my heart.
Where do you think tears come from?
Painful; hurtful; cleansing; racking.
Relentlessly, the heels beat against my head.
Where do you think loveless comes from?
Lonely; searing; lonely; lonely.
Loveless.
I don't have it.
I don't feel it.
I don't want it.
Loveless
Waves; rain; fists; feet.
Beating me lovelessly.
There's some understanding of conflicting adjectives. But not much is done with it. This seems like a decent enough area to launch into something better. Open up the feelings behind this, and make a better poem the next time. It might be getting there. Just not there yet.