Shadow o' Tarsis..

[Cody Phoenix]

Hi Cody, let me apologize if I was rude in my comments. I want to say that my suggestions are just that and to be binned at will. I think you have tremendous potential, your vocabulary is outstanding, I did find this poem difficult but I see that you are a very capable writer. Do not take critique to heart, You should see some of the things that have been said about my "stuff".
I have grown used to it ;-).
My best,
Heart

I am very used to constructive criticism and blunt honesty, your feedback didn't bother me in any way, nor Tecktak's, I just didn't appreciate the way he went about it. There wasn't anything said but negative comments, nothing to help me as a writer... and to me, that's disrespectful and seems like he just blatantly did it. Also I am fully aware that this style of writing isn't what you're all generally used to so i'm expecting to get tore up from time to time, but only if it's to help me, not insult me. I also have a piece called "Chris?.." that I posted recently as well if you'd like to check it out in the novice section, I got that published a while back.


thank you.

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Hi cody,
No line by line on this one because you are better served by a resume, notwithstanding the very noble confession that you are a rap thingy, which helps to explain the peculiarity of form, I believe that the whole thing is dreadfully dated and old-hat. Rap rap.
You suffer badly from involuntary colonic discharge in the first few lines, then rapidly spiral into a cauldron of seething punctuation potage. Because the genre, to over dignify it, is riddled with drug induced perceptions of reality, persecution complexes and paranoia it is unsurprisingly monotonous to read, being nothing more than a gruel of gruesome gerunds, the trademark of the rapper rapp(ing).
I would like to believe that the hyperbolic rhetoric was the result of some tightly controlled poetic ability manifesting as an example of what skill with words alone can do...but I cannot. What I see here is just the same old same old mix of an expression of life by someone in a four by four room with a Sony Playstation (not even an X-box), churning out Gothic gunge, hoping E.A.Poe was intalactchall 'enu'ff to name-drop, and dreaming of the next level of Dungeons and Dragons (or whatever is current). Sorry. I admit to my own inadequacies in dealing with this sort of stuff but that is not because I have read too little of it...frankly, I have read too much. Oh, one more thing...it is utter rubbish.
I bet you could write a really good bit of poetry if you decided too. Why not give it a shot?
Best,
tectak

Ermm.. Thanks!? I joined this site for feedback like this especially, I can write in prose, haiku, topical and that's it. I'm sorry this wasn't your cup of tea and I'll take a dab at poetry you're all used to seeing sometime, then. Seems like you were flat out just ragging on my work though, which is disrespectful and where I come from.. you get a diss for that, keep your mindless babbling to yourself next time though!

Hey man, you ain't as sof as da one time up in dis hizzy, anyway, right? If u a g den jus lay back and keep it rizzy, as up in hur we write poetry. He's sayin it aint a poem. And it aint. He gave you props, said he thinks you got the skills to write one. A real one. Not a half rap with some old words thrown in. Put some imagery and some reality into it.

haha, I guess that explains a lot, and Okay! this is strictly a text styled verse with rhyme schemes being followed with inner syllabylic rhymes though, not made for audio in any way!