05-06-2013, 09:30 AM
Hi,
When I read it, it seemed a bit rough around the edges. But I like the poem as a whole, you "play" your words well and the whole story is ended excellently with the last two lines. The only thing I stumbled upon was that I couldn't figure out what made the dog so angry at the river, and why the fear in the dog's eyes? I see that you plan to revise this, so I'll very much look forward to read it. Thanks.
When I read it, it seemed a bit rough around the edges. But I like the poem as a whole, you "play" your words well and the whole story is ended excellently with the last two lines. The only thing I stumbled upon was that I couldn't figure out what made the dog so angry at the river, and why the fear in the dog's eyes? I see that you plan to revise this, so I'll very much look forward to read it. Thanks.