05-06-2013, 01:01 AM
I became a drunkard, because I noticed that drunk people act the same way I do when I'm not drunk, and are adored and admired for it. But it's cool to be a recreational drinker and drug user that turns into a drunkard and drug addict; while self-medicating only makes you crazy and a drunkard or drug addict, and feared by all women except the ones you're giving money to. There's something about drugs and money that'll make the most sought after females go to places where they would never go otherwise without acting both scared and flaky right away. Flaky when the money runs out, afraid when the drugs wear off and the lies become obvious.
Psychiatry is a pseudoscience that legitimately works for people that want to be a part of society. I don't want to be a part of society, but I adore society women. And that's my tragic love story.
I'll be a part of society when I'm dead. Either that, or fade away. Because once you're dead, you slow down long enough for people that knew you to make sense out of you and assimilate you into some social paradigm. Or you're simply forgotten.
But my stark argument is always this: Anyone that has realized that they only have one life to live, and that life is becoming ever closer to the end as each moment goes by, yet they continue caring about social status and working to secure enough money and possessions so that they can continue working to secure enough money and possessions to continue working...they are just as insane as anyone else. Unless they love their work. And depending on what work that is, they might also be insane.
There are too many people in the world. And though I'm here in the middle of nowhere, I still feel crowded in and can hardly breathe.
When I see a person twitching and raving on the city street, I befriend that person as much as they seem interested in having someone to talk to, and they usually want to talk to anyone and everyone. And why wouldn't they? Existence is a lonely and complicated experience. It takes everything from you, and gives very little in return in comparison; and after it's taken everything, it obviously gives nothing. My only friends have been obsessed, broken lunatics. And even they would betray anything and anyone when money or drugs or social status options become available. Out of fear, out of desperation, out of loneliness, out of confusion, out of delusion, out of anger. But that could suddenly be true of anyone.
Self-esteem, respect, credibility; for me, none of those things compare to dignity and integrity. And so I don't think those attributes should often be as closely linked. I'm of the losers, and for the losers. Because there are lots of things in this world that many people would do better to lose. I believe in a lot less emphasis on being correct, and more on being true.
I've always felt this way, and years of accumulating medications, doctors, hospitals, disastrous relationships and families and friendships, and failures have never changed that.
The only reason why I don't leave this wretched place again is that, for the time being, I'm still too much in love with a few misfits that are themselves anchored to this place no matter what. And that's really the most insane thing about me.
Psychiatry is a pseudoscience that legitimately works for people that want to be a part of society. I don't want to be a part of society, but I adore society women. And that's my tragic love story.
I'll be a part of society when I'm dead. Either that, or fade away. Because once you're dead, you slow down long enough for people that knew you to make sense out of you and assimilate you into some social paradigm. Or you're simply forgotten.
But my stark argument is always this: Anyone that has realized that they only have one life to live, and that life is becoming ever closer to the end as each moment goes by, yet they continue caring about social status and working to secure enough money and possessions so that they can continue working to secure enough money and possessions to continue working...they are just as insane as anyone else. Unless they love their work. And depending on what work that is, they might also be insane.
There are too many people in the world. And though I'm here in the middle of nowhere, I still feel crowded in and can hardly breathe.
When I see a person twitching and raving on the city street, I befriend that person as much as they seem interested in having someone to talk to, and they usually want to talk to anyone and everyone. And why wouldn't they? Existence is a lonely and complicated experience. It takes everything from you, and gives very little in return in comparison; and after it's taken everything, it obviously gives nothing. My only friends have been obsessed, broken lunatics. And even they would betray anything and anyone when money or drugs or social status options become available. Out of fear, out of desperation, out of loneliness, out of confusion, out of delusion, out of anger. But that could suddenly be true of anyone.
Self-esteem, respect, credibility; for me, none of those things compare to dignity and integrity. And so I don't think those attributes should often be as closely linked. I'm of the losers, and for the losers. Because there are lots of things in this world that many people would do better to lose. I believe in a lot less emphasis on being correct, and more on being true.
I've always felt this way, and years of accumulating medications, doctors, hospitals, disastrous relationships and families and friendships, and failures have never changed that.
The only reason why I don't leave this wretched place again is that, for the time being, I'm still too much in love with a few misfits that are themselves anchored to this place no matter what. And that's really the most insane thing about me.