05-03-2013, 12:50 PM
Hi knicodemus3,
As mentioned in the previous post life as a "river" is a very overused metaphor and it's probably best to stay away from using them. There are a couple of other issues with rhyme and rhythm, but I have noticed that it is your first poem so I'll leave that. And because I only joined 10 days ago I know what it's like to be new, so I would say this, don't take anything as personal criticism, you are in a good place to be to develop your poetry and writing skills. Nobody even commented on my first poem, so you are 2 comments up on me already, but I'm not bitter.
honest.
I look forward to reading your next poem soon.
Cheers
As mentioned in the previous post life as a "river" is a very overused metaphor and it's probably best to stay away from using them. There are a couple of other issues with rhyme and rhythm, but I have noticed that it is your first poem so I'll leave that. And because I only joined 10 days ago I know what it's like to be new, so I would say this, don't take anything as personal criticism, you are in a good place to be to develop your poetry and writing skills. Nobody even commented on my first poem, so you are 2 comments up on me already, but I'm not bitter.
honest.I look forward to reading your next poem soon.
Cheers
wae aye man ye radgie