coughing up blood in the morning

[serge gurkski]

Thank you very much tectak. You know, when I pasted this piece into the thread text box I took a hard look at the "intro" and thought a similar thing, however I figured I'd keep it in there and see what people think, so cheers for the input. Do you think it could work at the end of the poem in stead? Just a thought. I'll see if there's anything I can do with the last line. Thanks again,
Lewis

I understand why you wrote the intro. But tec is right: a poem needs intro, if it is a poem.
You, the poet, must take the risk to not be understood. That is exactly price everyone (including you) has to pay.

You of course cannot (unless you go for Dada ) pput the intro haha after the poem.
Scusi, that is so fucking funny.
Ok, seriously: let it go, please

I love "exeunt" bc I love plays (mostly Tennessee Williams and French stuff), but let me now jump into the semi-serious discussion about saving "exeunt" via enjambment: Tom (tec) says: "Note the full stop after ...", which is exactly why "exeunt" does not work here. Says me.

If there was no full stop, it would work as Tec thinks it does.
So, Lewis; you outsmarted yourself here. ;-)

I do not comment on bs, so it is obvious that I like your poem.

My advice (cringe now ;--) ) is: keep exeunt for another poem.

When three readers of your poem stumble over that word, something most likely is wrong with that word.

I disagree with Milo insofar as I like this poem.

cheers
Serge