coughing up blood in the morning

[tectak]

Seems there's little use to me
in writing too much on it.Strangely, the normality check of defining the character as the "writer" takes a little away from the generally ubiquitous nature of the piece. Consider omitting this "intro"?

Bleak extracts of morning
ushered out of smoky lungs.

Exeunt via lips,
descend no lower than the ground.

Small metallic streaks of red
among the normal junk.

Mortality in mucus,
washed away by tears of clouds.

Hi lewis,
You've done it again for me. Commitment terse verse. Good use of simplistic imagery that suits the starkness of the content. The only less than good line is the last. A little precipitous and possibly empty of emotion. No suggestions from this critic...not up to it.
Solid work.
Best,
tectak