05-01-2013, 05:24 PM
Hi religare231,
That's another interesting poem that you've got there. It is a really sad poem which I'm sure it was your intention to convey such emotion.
First thing I would is that there isn't a single full, which I'm sure you are aware of because in your last two poems they were used although somewhat sparingly. So I can only presume that this was intentional, but I do feel that this type of poem and the way it is set out would benefit greatly from; not only full stops but punctuation in general. For example you used apostrophes for the words couldn't and doesn't but not for im (I'm). Also the second sentence phrase "radiant smile spreading it's wings" should not have apostrophe for its.
First stanza uses the words "sky" and then "skies" which sounds to repetitive. Did you mean "sense of humour" as opposed to "sense and humour" although in some ways both make sense.
It might all sound like petty observations but with the correct punctuation it would read a lot easier. Do you read your poems back to yourself, because this can help you get a feel for where punctuation should go.
Hope this is of some use, and I look forward to reading more.
That's another interesting poem that you've got there. It is a really sad poem which I'm sure it was your intention to convey such emotion.
First thing I would is that there isn't a single full, which I'm sure you are aware of because in your last two poems they were used although somewhat sparingly. So I can only presume that this was intentional, but I do feel that this type of poem and the way it is set out would benefit greatly from; not only full stops but punctuation in general. For example you used apostrophes for the words couldn't and doesn't but not for im (I'm). Also the second sentence phrase "radiant smile spreading it's wings" should not have apostrophe for its.
First stanza uses the words "sky" and then "skies" which sounds to repetitive. Did you mean "sense of humour" as opposed to "sense and humour" although in some ways both make sense.
It might all sound like petty observations but with the correct punctuation it would read a lot easier. Do you read your poems back to yourself, because this can help you get a feel for where punctuation should go.
Hope this is of some use, and I look forward to reading more.
wae aye man ye radgie