05-01-2013, 10:23 AM
Thank you--
I really appreciate re-reads; i know that can be tedious.
and it's probably ruining the grand purpose of poetry if i reveal my intention (But then again, perhaps that's how you can help me):
I intended to tell a story of a good man paying respects to a poor man. The good man is the Saint, who sees a man in the gutter and recognizes him as his spiritual brother. He believes this man lived with God once, and is struck by the terrible irony that this man now lives in the gutter. and so he pays him respects by kneeling before him and kneeling--like you would before a king.
i took as my inspiration Jesus' parable of the leven, as well as some of the writings of Kierkegaard, who taught that one good person can subvert a whole system from the inside out-- just by being a good person. "one good person can change the world" sorta thing. Hence, I wanted to convey that this Saint rocked a whole city by his goodness-- hence the buildings sway with his passing like a reed in the wind.
I take heart that although i've been guilty of a little bit of abstraction you still find quality in the texture of the words/images. I'm going to try to do some clean-up and see if i can't do both (i.e. have a poem that sounds good linguistically AND makes sense!)
thanks for the feedback!!
I really appreciate re-reads; i know that can be tedious.
and it's probably ruining the grand purpose of poetry if i reveal my intention (But then again, perhaps that's how you can help me):
I intended to tell a story of a good man paying respects to a poor man. The good man is the Saint, who sees a man in the gutter and recognizes him as his spiritual brother. He believes this man lived with God once, and is struck by the terrible irony that this man now lives in the gutter. and so he pays him respects by kneeling before him and kneeling--like you would before a king.
i took as my inspiration Jesus' parable of the leven, as well as some of the writings of Kierkegaard, who taught that one good person can subvert a whole system from the inside out-- just by being a good person. "one good person can change the world" sorta thing. Hence, I wanted to convey that this Saint rocked a whole city by his goodness-- hence the buildings sway with his passing like a reed in the wind.
I take heart that although i've been guilty of a little bit of abstraction you still find quality in the texture of the words/images. I'm going to try to do some clean-up and see if i can't do both (i.e. have a poem that sounds good linguistically AND makes sense!)
thanks for the feedback!!