Marmara memories

[tectak]

With our cocks aiming at the black murmuring waves of the Marmara
as we peed staggering on the Galata Bridge,
I was wondering if the Dutch bloke next to me wasn't a crook. ....or "was a crook". Possibly an error or german
Somebody should have taken a photo
to quick-freeze that moment of cozy euphoria.

Shaking off seasickness on a sightseeing boat in the stinging heat
of a late hangover afternoon, I shook my messed-up head maybe "with" instead of "of" as the hangover and heat are not interelated.
laughing retrospectively about the pushy picture postcard selling boy
showering me in front of the Blue Mosque with a torrent Too excited. Calm down and punctuate to clarity. With this much detail the reader is liable to miss the salient adverbs. In fact, it us a little overendowed. Do you need "pushy" and "picture"? No. Which is salient? Pushy. So maybe lose "picture". Same with "late" and "hangover" .Which word matters. Hangover. "late" is subjectively redundant.
of broken tourist tongue bird calls. Not ringingly clear. I am not prepared to ponder what you mean here because you are rushing me through the piece by your rapid delivery of what may be consequential info. Drivers who travel too fast in fog do so because the fog starves them of visual input...so they drive faster to compensate. I feel the same here.

Invited to the luna park by a group of young people I met at a tea garden,
I was sandwiched between them in a neatly packed cab,
touching half-involuntarily the right side of Meryem’s
dangerously curvaceous body. Our sweaty forearms
communicated coyly and to avoid instant marriage I
later that night had to jump in a bus destined for the countryside. This is gold, serge. The"dangerously curvaceous" is quite brilliant. You set a standard in this stanza which the rest of the piece is having a hard time matching. I would probably attempt to shorten the first sentence if only because it is pedestrian in its detail. Though the familiarity of the forearm brush is worth the preamble I think that the cameo stands so vividly on its own it is worth a little isolation. Love it. Been there.

It is self-sufficient in a greedy way. The piece possesses too much information yet doesn't give it up easily. I like it very much but that is because there is much to like but little to love. The final stanza is, for me, everything.
Best,
tectak
Watch your excitement. It makes you ejaculate prematurely.