i enjoyed the piece, i think you missed an opportunity to flesh out the 1st and 4th stanza. i see below you talk about it being obscene; it isn't, in truth, it's pretty far from being obscene, i think you could really have the chance to be obscene if you fleshed it out a little.
thanks for the read
so what's the title going to be.
thanks for the read
(04-27-2013, 05:04 AM)newsclippings Wrote: I've already
made it
into the
hearts of those
diseased and
indisposed.
-
Like a droopy ballsack,
you hang over my mouth
words wrinkled and wet. great image, (where i come from it's called tea-bagging)
[Remember: I am far less vile than
your stench on a cold morning.]
Quite lucid when I'm loaded, yes.
And the drinks help me remember would drink work better than drinks?
why I ever liked you in the first place.
-
You can find me running around corners,
cursing in nondescript accents,
trying not to mention the hemorrhage
that comes with knowing yourself too well. solid finish. i like the "you make me bleed" feeling of it.
so what's the title going to be.

)