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[billy]

i enjoyed the piece, i think you missed an opportunity to flesh out the 1st and 4th stanza. i see below you talk about it being obscene; it isn't, in truth, it's pretty far from being obscene, i think you could really have the chance to be obscene if you fleshed it out a little.

thanks for the read

I've already
made it
into the
hearts of those
diseased and
indisposed.

-

Like a droopy ballsack,
you hang over my mouth
words wrinkled and wet. great image, (where i come from it's called tea-bagging )

[Remember: I am far less vile than
your stench on a cold morning.]

Quite lucid when I'm loaded, yes.
And the drinks help me remember would drink work better than drinks?
why I ever liked you in the first place.

-

You can find me running around corners,
cursing in nondescript accents,
trying not to mention the hemorrhage
that comes with knowing yourself too well. solid finish. i like the "you make me bleed" feeling of it.

---

so what's the title going to be.