The Feeling

[Todd]

Hi Viv, welcome to the site! Here are some comments for you.

The Feeling

I miss the feeling of thinking,--while there's some irony in this line. It is exceptionally hard to pull of an emotional response from a poem that does its best to be vague and emotionally distant
about another, about our future,--this change up feels a bit off transitioning from the more distant another and then to our
My, smiles rise from those images.--just like there is a thought of a feeling earlier. You tell us of images without grounding the line with any imagery. Something to consider

I miss the feeling of being,
next to another, on another,
The scene of oils on the cloth. --maybe cut the second the, but I like this line for its image

I miss the feeling of spending,
my time, energy, and even worries,
Oh, the effort we put in.--too vague. It needs more concrete imagery.

I miss the feeling of feeling,
in general, from the thoughts, presence,--in general sounds conversational but it is mostly filler that can be cut
and times with another.

Missing is a feeling I'd like to replace with actual feelings.--this line could work if you built to it by displaying the missing feeling with imagery.


-Viv

I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd